Home > Uncategorized > Yelp! Justice

Yelp! Justice

Bless me, blogosphere, for I have sinned. It has been the better part of a year since my last confession- and that wasn’t my finest showing. As many of you know, the atrophied output here in recent years is due largely to my retail shop, here in Boerum Hill, Brooklyn. If you ever want to watch 5 years of your life evaporate, open a small business. As any small business owner will also tell you, Yelp! is an unfortunate part of being in today’s retail marketplace. And there is very rarely justice in Yelp! Unless you’re looking to purchase an advertising package, you’re pretty much told to go Yelp! yourself. Here is the most recent customer review for our little retail shop.

beep t Yelp review 12-16-2017

Apparently this post was a violation of Yelp’s Terms of Service, and it was deleted (surprisingly quickly- begrudging thanks!).

Below is the public response I didn’t have time to post before the above poetry had vanished into the ether of cyberspace:
First, I genuinely have no idea what this about, or who this person might be. There aren’t a lot of clues.

Now, let me address each and every concern, as if this were reasonable constructive criticism from a fully sentient adult, completely in control of language, syntax, and punctuation.

1) Pompus. Yeah, sure, if we’re being honest. ‘Pompus’ is definitely in the top 20 1-word descriptors of me, but not in the top 5. Firm, but fair.

2) Mansplaining. As the proprietor of a specialty wine & spirits shop, I’m often asked questions about the many wines and spirits we carry. I generally respond with the facts that I have, and a fair amount of opinion (not everybody’s cup of tea, I know), though I’m also not afraid to admit when I don’t have an answer. I am still just scratching the surface in Italy. Do you know how many different varietals of grape the Italians grow? Seriously, do you know? I’ll google it. I suppose describing is another word for ‘explaining’. And I am also a male person, or a man, by birth, according to my DNA. For better, or for worse, I have chosen to identify this way. To shove two otherwise unrelated words together to imply sexist motivation is pretty low, and wholly unsubstantiated.

3) Man bun. Okay, now you’re just being deliberately hurtful. Hey, I don’t like it either! Perhaps you’d like to try working 7 days a week during holiday shopping season and see if you can squeeze in time for a decent haircut. #rude

And I’ll just let history decide the poetry of dingleberries and bun pegging.

P.S. ‘beep t.’ has zero friends.

Categories: Uncategorized
  1. No comments yet.
  1. No trackbacks yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: